Madge," I said as I set the shovel down. "Well if a little neighbor boy can't help a neighbor I don't know what,"she said. "What are you afraid of?" she innocently questioned as she ledme inside her kitchen and set everything on the table.She shut the kitchen door and took off her coat then went to the cookiejar on the counter. "You must let me pay you for all your help," she saidas she returned with a five dollar bill and stuffed it in my front jeanspocket. I didn't want to take it but did. We sat down and I remembered my thoughts, I looked in her eyes and told her I loved her. She instantly told me the same. We drove to Henley and sat by the river then had a glass of wine on the patio of a lovely bar. I remember the woman who served us smiling as she saw us hand in hand. She must have noticed the age gap but it seemed like her way of giving her blessing As I dropped her at the end of the day I realised this was not some sort of sordid quickie for mutual satisfaction this was far. First, I have to admit to you, I was aware of a very strong sexual curiosity deep within me but I assured that it never surfaced when Kyle was around. I knew my limitations when it came to intimacy and heavy petting was out of the question. I worried that I could not handle tempting situations.My virginity was very important to me. First, I had a very strong moral issue with sex before marriage, but also, my sexual innocence was such an important part of my persona as I viewed things. I was the. " Mom!" I whined, "How can I do that? Everybody's going to rag on me if Igo to school dressed as a girl." Robert, everybody's going to see you dressed as a girl anyhow. And ifyou're going to be a girl I think you should look the best that you can. Ithink they will respect you more if they see you are honoring you bet."Deep down I knew Mom was right and I knew that I wasn't going to win thisargument so I agreed that she was probably right. But I told her I'dprobably look like a boy in a dress.
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